Only for Tonight

I saw a star fall in the sky
My head felt empty, my mind not dry
The image of it passing by
would not go away

Living for the night
Only for tonight

I walked alone there in the cold,
the path was overgrown since years ago
Beneath my feet it felt so old
I didn't know which way to go

Living for the night
Only for tonight

I saw myself among the trees,
my moves were wrong so I tried to guide
and show the way, but it would freeze
I dug a hole and tried to hide

Only for tonight

Words and music © 2012 Johan Åstrand
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Silence Within

Don't lie;
you tried to hide me,
believing yourself
after all
Denied and tied,
so tired,
I waited for you to arrive

There are no stars
above us
We have nowhere to pretend
that you and I
got closer,
the presence of time
would not bend

You're so silent within,
like you're breaking your own heart
And the strength will start to fade away
once you've played out your part

You should fight my fears
You should like my lies
You should dry my tears
You should live my life

Words and music © 2012 Johan Åstrand
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Waiting Inside

You're on the floor
where they can't see you,
hoping it soon will go away
Lost all control,
hide in the shadows
cast by events of yesterday

Bad times calling
Nobody's near
They all disappear
back down falling
called insincere,
prevented by fear
Because when bad time's calling
nobody's near,
they all disappear
back down falling
called insincere,
prevented by fear

You've been here before
but then you were older
and nobody clearly saw your face
A knock on the door,
a wish for no more,
a feeling too dangerous to embrace

You open the door,
it looks like a mirror
with clouds in a light and purple sky
You've been here before
but then you were older
and there was no obvious reason why

I'll be waiting inside
I'll be waiting inside
I'll be waiting inside

Words and music © 2012 Johan Åstrand
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Outrageous

If, if you hunt a cause
you may hunt an enemy or a day
It's, it's above it all
It's inside us all the time, all around
This, this is not enough
This can't be the end of it, this will go on....

All of us have something to encounter
Our lies could grow on trees today
It takes more than you could ever give
All our wishes wasted, washing minds
in a ditch, outrageous
Make it go away

With nothing to recall
everything is out of reach, out of time
When, when you start to fall
and you've got nowhere to go, you can't hide
Now when we've seen it all
turn into this mess we know it will go on....

Words and music © 2004 Johan Åstrand
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Livets sång

Du vandrar ut
och lever som förut
Kanske trillar du dit
fattar inte ett skit
Allt far förbi
Allt har mani
Det manipulerar
och tanken kastrerar

Du stirrar blint på saker
som du inte kan förstå
men samtidigt som du går bet
passerar nån annan "gå"
En livstid kan passera
utan att det ens märks av
I slutändan så var det inget
du lärde dej nåt utav

För den stig du trampat
växer snart igen
och alla steg du tagit
var förgäves min vän

Det där är livets gång
Det här är livets sång

Words and music © 2004 Johan Åstrand
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Unprepared

Inside us all,
beneath whatever we expect to be
If you recall
it all depends upon sincerity
I can't believe what we've achieved and fed among us
and so I turn in disbelief
to total strangers that I meet out in the street and say
"explain to me"

Cause I'm still in doubt
you must agree
We can't live without
humanity

Relieve me
Tell me why I do not know
how to explain
how it's for me
to be here
I'm unprepared, not up to it at all
Just let me be
I can't take it no more

Corruption grows
but no one seem to care or want to see
that we're so close,
we're so much closer than we want to be
And I'm running out
of things to say,
I can no longer shout
just go away

Words and music © 2003 Johan Åstrand
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Not To

Staring at the ceiling
wondering, thinking
Haunted by the feeling
that I bring nothing
Limiting all moments,
stopping time in time
Reaching through but backwards
I don't mind my mind

But I tend to disagree,
somewhere inside of me
I can't imagine that
what will become of me,
what we call destiny,
is built by my regrets
When I turn to this degree
in understanding me
and all the words I say
They live outside of me
and tell me seriously not to

Arguing about it
makes no sense, nonsense
Listening to others
can prevent progress
Senseless, stupid meanings
make me try and try
It may seem pretentious
or like a lie

Inside it's all the same
but it's growing small
Outside I cannot recall
And when the feelings are gone
and of no use at all
It can not be like before

Words and music © 2002 Johan Åstrand
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Out of Range

Made up stories about a life
in desperation of endless tries
Incorrect recallings of a time gone by
Experiences died
Like a rainbow in black & white
Another victim lost in the night
This overwhelming feeling takes full control
and covers up it all

How can we reach out and make a change
if we're all alone,
and everything keep whirling around
out of range for everyone?

In a castle made of gold
the master is ruling although he's too old
to even make decisions of what food to eat
or wash his dirty feet
Still he's allowed to tell us what to do
and make up rules that turn us into
meaningless servants with no higher cause
Covered with remorse

Words and music © 2002 Johan Åstrand
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Involved in a Dispute

The sounds distract me
while I try to distract them
But I can't stand the silence
so the sounds remain,
melting my brain
like the sun dries the rain
when the grass has been soaked for too long

The sounds expect me
to jump up & hasten them
But then they stop by themselves
after doing their best
& the silence is here,
much too near
as the air delivers
a vomiting smell to my nose

The sounds connect me,
like some kind of abduction
And somewhere, over there
I can sense their perfection,
too close, so near
that it turns into fear
for what happens when they disappear

Words and music © 1994 & 2002 Johan Åstrand
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Värld av neon

Du lever i en vardag så grå
där färger är för dyra, en lyx förunnad få
Trygghet, hopp och ljus likaså
I mörkret ska du vara så att du ej förstår
att du hänger i en snara
som är flätad av ditt hår

Du lever i ett timglas av plast
Har aldrig tid att vila eller unna dej nån rast
Så brått, så klart ditt jobb är din last
Alla dagar är för korta, du blir veckoslutsfantast
All din fritid den är borta
även du får stå ditt kast

Du lever i en värld av neon
Du kommer aldrig hinna betala dina lån
till den dagen nån drar för din ridå
och det är dags att vila, nåt som du väntat på
Få somna in och blunda
Få komma här ifrån

Words and music © 2002 Johan Åstrand
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Sceptical

Look behind your curtain now
see your soul, it wonders how
your belief can cause this hesitation
Lately time has flown away
Less creative day by day
Out of time or out of inspiration?

Sceptical
No control
Can it be that I'm too old?
The shadows guarding my resistance
lead me into non-existance
Sceptical
Cynical
Can it be that I'm too old?
I seek my thoughts, they're in the distance
and ask myself "can I have this dance?"

Look out through your window now,
it isn't strange but yet somehow
you could be causing your own depravation
Suddenly a beam of light
strikes you gently, blinds your sight
You take your chance, no further resignation

Words and music © 2001 Johan Åstrand
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Jämna plågor

Dagar jag glömt svävar förbi
bildar en hemsk disharmoni
Saker som fanns här runt omkring
finns ingenstans, liv på beting

Illviljans omfattande regi
klandras av dom som lever däri
Allt utom tårar skiter vi i
Sitt som på nålar, ta rätt parti

Här har vi jämna plågor
var och en sitt
Här har vi jämna plågor
Här har vi jämna plågor
var och en sitt
var god och sitt

Traska förvirrat, se konstgjord ut
tala om inget, men tala ut
Verka pedant, gno och stå i
Lev som en fjant, money-mani

Kläder som krympt passar perfekt
Din tvättmaskin verkar defekt
Din krinolin, nedärvd i släkt
blev till en vattentät dykardräkt

Words and music © 2000 Johan Åstrand
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Oh Dear

Altered thoughts
Protection
is not here
Reasons taught
Perfection
disappear

Sunlight cause
reflections
to appear
through my windows
A dreamy
atmosphere

Altered thoughts
Infection
year by year
Neatly caused
connection
to a tear

Spirit lost
Affection
unsincere
Holocaust
Rejection
Instant fear

Words and music © 2000 Johan Åstrand
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Believe Me

The silent surrounding astound me
All secret emotions have found me

Believe me
Believe me
Believe me

All senseless creations inside me,
I listen & hope they could guide me

Believe me
Believe me
Believe me

It's all a daydreamers sensation,
a fragment of someone's imagination

Believe me
Believe me
Believe me
Believe me
Believe me

The secret solution has found me

Words and music © 2000 Johan Åstrand
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Folly

There in the distance
the sun's shining through
enlightening my existance
Prepared to come true
The warm liquid solution
I've always been swimming in
is replaced by confusion;
I wonder where I've been

A bright light in a white room
where everything's cold
A feeling so overwhelming
Watching the world unfold

I scream for your help
but can not be heard,
all you hear are yourselves,
all you here are somewhere else
Sometimes you do
Sometimes you don't
Sometimes you hardly like me
Sometimes I'm losing control

Words and music © 2000 Johan Åstrand
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Above the Stars

Similar to freedom but yet different,
everything that's real seems so absurd
Certain points of view they lose their content
as they transform into spoken words

Life and time exist to cause a big mess
making changes, moving all around
Some believe, the way out is to confess;
happiness is nowhere to be found,
cry out "what did I do wrong, feeling bad so long?"

Greetings from above the stars,
we have no labels like "The planet Mars",
we're not fictionary like you
You made your point and set your marks,
you really proved how mean you are
Now step aside, let the healing start

Experiences never make no difference,
learning is the first that we don't learn
"I don't need it" says a million voices,
hoping that it's someone else's turn

Hurry up now keep the pace or don't be,
if you lie down you will fade away
Run around, be busy so you can't see
that in the end you're not supposed to stay
Nothing's ever made to last, just look at the past

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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Release Me

There's a feeling controlling me;
I'm not where I'm supposed to be,
and out there somewhere
over the sea
a soul is hovering, anxiously

There's a silence within me;
overwhelming tranquillity,
cause out there somewhere
lonely but free
a soul is hovering, anxiously

And do you ever wonder
where I may be?
and feel a sudden urge to
search for me
I hope someday you'll find me
I know someday you'll come
to set me free
Release me

And do you ever wonder
where I may be?
and feel a sudden urge to
search for me
I hope someday you'll find me
I know someday you'll come
and set me free
Release me

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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Will Think

I think I'm someone's imagination
and someone is an imagination too,
trying to do
something so bizarre
everyone will think
he's crazy,
trying to do
something so freaked out
that no one will think
it's true

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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Time to Wake Up

When the night so gently visits me
I want to be set free
and walk around inside its magic land
and try to understand
But when reality gets twisted by its spell
and turns into this hell,
where everything I see or hear or feel
is meant as an ordeal

I close my eyes
(It's time to wake up now
and make it all stop)

When I see that sad look on your face
it reminds me of this place
Where I end up no matter what I do,
it treats me oh so cruel
All the faces that I've ever seen
return to shape this dream
When they're reaching out to touch me with their hands
and say we should be friends

I close my eyes
(It's time to wake up now
and make it all stop)

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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Time Alone

I'm too tired now to want to try
to imagine to believe in this lie
And I don't really want to matter no more
I don't even know how to be sure

There is no way to explain my thoughts
in a way that you won't try to ignore
Though all my reasons you always ask for more
There's no chance I can be the one you came here for

And so I spend my time alone
that way I've grown
And when I spend my time alone
I am my own

It's only when I'm deep within my mind
that I can be satisfied with what I find
Out in the open you always ask for more,
I must always do what you want me to and always adore
(you)

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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Här hamnar vi allihopa

I gryningens mörka gathörn
lekande charader
lurar den som hittar hit
att aldrig gå tillbaka
Lika plötsligt som tidens lopp
börjar du att skaka
när dom vänder ut och in på dej,
det du förnekat börjar du bejaka

Allt medan solens strålar
i rasande fart mångdubblas
sugs du in i mörkrets makt,
till räddare du dubbas

Ingen såg när du försvann,
ingen hörde dej ropa
Ingen kommer att sakna dej
Här hamnar vi allihopa

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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Mardröm

Vilse,
springandes i en labyrint
Vanskapta barn har detaljer om dej
Bakom dina ögon klamrar fåglar sej fast
Gryningen står ensam i ett hörn
Det heta kaffet du fick i ditt knä
frätte bort dina ben, nu har du två av trä

Mardröm

En häxa jagar dej genom alla rum
Någon läser högt ur en tidtabell
Midsommarstången pratar fast den är stum
I logens hö bland kvistar visslar ett troll

Mardröm

Kastanjerna som snodde din moped
reser till Chicago och dom tar dej med
Men Al Capone har nåt emot ditt sätt
Du hamnar på hans bord som huvudrätt, suflett

Mardröm

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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Every Single Word

I never understood
the reasons you gave
When something turned out wrong,
you had the right to blame me for far too long
You pushed me down
and kept me there,
no matter how I grasped for air,
you were drowning me but you didn't care

I brainwashed myself
cause I thought it might help
to get me through and far away,
to the entrance of that happy day
But you pushed me down
and held me tight,
for you it must have been alright,
at least that's what you said each night

But every single word
is unimportant to me now,
where I am everything is fine
And every single thought
that might remind me of it now
will be ignored, it isn't mine

Every single word,
they make no difference to me now,
where I am is where I will stay
And every single try
to make me change my mind somehow
will be a waste so go away

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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I Get By

"I'm sorry to disturb you
but could we spend some time
so I can put my burden on you
and get on with my life?
Just listen to my problems,
that's all I'm asking for
Please waste some of your precious time,
I don't ask for more"

"You always give me guidance
whenever I'm in doubt
so give the answers to me now,
how should I go about?
Just give me the solution,
that's all I'm asking for
Why don't you tell me what to do,
I've put my faith in you"

How can I tell you what went wrong?
I do not even know why you two don't get along
And I have my troubles of my own
I have my feelings on my own, inside
But I get by
I get by

"I need someone to talk to,
I need a helping hand
There's no one else that I can turn to,
I hope you understand
Don't just sit there silent
you must give me some advice,
I need a hint, a clue,
a way to cover up my lies"

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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Here

I took your advice
and left myself behind
Now I wait here in my disguise
trying my best to hide
Alone in a crowd of lies

Here I stand
I'm feeling so confused
When all is empty what can be misused?
Will you come to me?
Will you comfort me?
Here I stand
I don't know what to do
when everything I once believed is due
Will you come to me?
Will you comfort me?
Will you let me be me?
Will you set me free,
let me sleep?
Please

Here I stand
I'm feeling so confused
Why do I always have to lose?
What is wrong with me?
What is it I can't see?
Here I'm standing by this incomplete
rejected creature lying at my feet
Will you come for me?
Will you control me?
Will you lie to me?
Just to make me see

Here I stand
I'm feeling so confused,
when all is over and can't be reused
Who will come to me?
Who will comfort me?
Who will lie for me?
Who will make me see?

Words and music © 1999 Johan Åstrand
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At a Stage

Sat around the table made for anyone
raising glasses, chanting all the time,
meeting with the pleasant peace of mind
At a stage
something, a face
kept mumbling
Arguing that no one came around,
petrified as if tied to the ground

The same performance now and then and all the time,
boredom makes itself heard in my mind,
everyone feel sadness all around
At a stage
something, a face
keeps mumbling
Arguing when someone comes around,
petrified while causing these weird sounds

Words and music © 1998 Johan Åstrand
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What I Do

I'm throwing myself to the ground,
over and over and over again
You're telling me I'm too profound,
you tell me I'm never around
Question upon question I try
to give you the answers you like
Time after time when I die,
I do it just to please you
I don't like what I do

When something I've done isn't right,
when guilt is the feeling that I shouldn't hide,
I visit this place in my mind
where no one will ask why I lied
And everything that I might do
will never interfere with you
But the moment before I arrive
I do what's best to please you
but I don't like what I do

Words and music © 1998 Johan Åstrand
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Behind

I can not help myself,
that's nothing that my soul denies,
for feeling out of range now,
can not be reached in so many tries

No matter you or I
We have to cry
We have to lie
We have to die
No matter you or I
we must be blind

You can not help yourself,
there's nothing that you can deny
Forgetting what it is now,
forgetting how

No matter you or I
We have to cry
We have to lie
We have to die
No matter you or I
we must be blind
Behind

We can not help ourselves,
that's nothing that our souls deny,
for being out of range now,
we can not be reached unless we die

Words and music © 1998 Johan Åstrand
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Why Don't I Sit There?

On narrow ways to strangenamed places
like a leaf blown away in the soft breeze,
I helplessly watch myself duplicate
On greenest grasscoloured field my paces
lead my mind where it will be pleased,
I will no longer hesitate

Look at me whirling away,
observing the weird images,
like an abyss of lost souls
My mind is in that delay,
oh how the feeling lingers
I have no control

I'm on the wrong side of this fence here,
there is no way around it
I can't believe I let you be my guide
I know I'm fooled now that I see clear,
the warning lamp is being lit
I squint and make me disappear

Look at me whirling away,
observing the weird images,
like an abyss of lost souls
I close my eyes and I pray
for something to make changes,
something to take away the holes

As I sit here
it confuses me;
Why don't I sit there?
Or nowhere?

Words and music © 1995/98 Johan Åstrand
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The Top of the Chair

When I sit home at night,
my red eyes reflecting my mind,
with all pictures flickering by on the T.V,
I still can't understand
what they're shouting about
And what's the point, I'm still without

In my moments of doubt
when my slumber follows by cries
and I want to lie down and die by the T.V.
A memory from the past
recycles in my head;
to die is not a progress

Words and music © 1995/98 Johan Åstrand
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